Reply to I think grandparents are out of touch now because a lot of us waited so long to have kids

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Reply to "I think grandparents are out of touch now because a lot of us waited so long to have kids"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean I think the current 60-70+ year old crowd is famous for remembering themselves as PERFECT parents. My parents raised us by yelling ALL THE TIME. While they never hit or anything, we were legit scared for the screaming so we were very docile children, we never expressed our feelings, we never asked - can you buy x - even though they certainly had the $$$ for any small toy type of requests. To hear them tell it now, they NEVER yelled at us, not once. And we ALWAYS talked to them about our feelings - uh lol - no we didn't because if you so much as said something even something positive like "maybe I'll be a dr when I grow up" - you'd hear, you probably won't, it's not that easy, hard work isn't enough to be a dr blah blah, instead of just encouraging a 14 year old's dream.[/quote]

This but our parents hit.  (we'd hit them back as we got to be teens)

I don't remember my parents ever saying I love you, hugging us or buying anything extra.  We never asked for anything as it was always we couldn't afford it when they could (they both worked in high paying jobs).  The screaming fights were constant.  I always hid in my room when I got home.  I did all the housekeeping and cooking in high school.[/quote]

Original PP describes my upbringing almost exactly, except yes, my parents hit us.

I can count on one hand the number of compliments I've received from my mom in my life, and they are weird/challenging compliments. Like I remember her telling me I had good taste when she took me shopping for a formal dress in high school, but it was in the context of me asking for something more expensive than we could afford, so the implication was "you have good taste but it's too expensive." I only remember this because it was such a rare thing, for my mom to say something somewhat flattering about me. My dad has never paid me a compliment in my life. I'm 41.

And yes, my parents yelled constantly when I was a kid. A lot of what my parents remember about me when I was a kid is clearly examples of my anxiety disorder, caused by an extremely violent and upsetting home life, becoming apparent at a young age. But they tell these stories like they are cute anecdotes about what a difficult child I was. One of them is about me having to go to the doctor with what they considered a phantom physical malady. But what I remember about that event was spending a week certain I had this physical problem and being terrified to tell anyone because I knew they'd be angry when they found out. I really was phantom, but also: I was 6 years old. In retrospect it is obvious to me that I was acting out because I wasn't getting any of my emotional needs met at all and I was desperate for love and affection. But my parents things this is just a funny story about what a difficult child I was.

Anyway, it's true my parents don't remember what it was like to have young kids. But it's also true that they were just awful parents and remember their parenting through rose-colored glasses now that they are grandparents. The sad thing (in some ways) is that they are actually fairly affectionate, kind grandparents. So they had the capacity for it. But those weren't the parents I got. I can also see how their interest in and affection towards their grandkids really wanes as they age. The more independent the kids get, the less my parents want to be around them. It's interesting and depressing.[/quote]

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