Reply to Anybody read tomorrow’s Carolyn Hax?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH is like this (or was). His mother is stil like this - everything he tells her results in him having to soothe her anxiety about whatever she said.

I initially didn’t understand how DH was manipulating me, but about 2 years into our relationship I realized that every time I expressed my own concerns about our relationship I ended up comforting him.

I don’t know exactly how it happened but I started calling him whenever he did it, and once we had kids (also married) I told him he needed to manage his own feelings whenever he pushed anything back on me. Having kids and seeing him try to guilt them/manipulate them even as toddlers made me step in every time — I am determined to break the pattern that DH’s parents clearly passed on to him.

Our oldest is now 8 and DH really doesn’t do it anymore. He’s a good and kind person, so I think calling him on the behavior made him recognize that it wasn’t helpful or productive, and also how f*caked up the dynamic he has with his parents is. He still slips into this mode sometimes, but will stop when I say something. [/quote]

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