Reply to Christmas gift ideas for my kids' bio-mom...? HELP!!

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Christmas gift ideas for my kids' bio-mom...? HELP!!"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like most of these things centered around their names or birthdates would be a painful reminder.  One of my relatives has a child that severed ties with her due to joining a cult and any mention of them basically sends her into a depressive tail spin. Maybe pictures that she can look at and then put away?
The answer might also differ based on whether you are bio dad, adoptive parent, foster parent, or step mom.[/quote]

I am their stepmom, and I completely I get your point. The best way to explain the dynamic is that she doesn't care about having any relationship with the kids, she cares about [i]portraying[/i] that she has a relationship with the kids - if that makes sense. She likes to post things on social media that make her look like she did all these amazing, fun things with the kids, but she had zero interest in actually [i]doing[/i] any of those things with them. Her concern is only about how she looks to others.[/quote]

Dp.

Why even bother getting her a gift when you have such a low opinion of her?  Who are you trying to impress?[/quote]

It's not my opinion of her, it's just the unfortunate fact that this is the situation that we are in as a result of her diagnosed mental illnesses and substance abuse issues. I have nobody to impress, I am simply trying to do something nice.[/quote]

Ok, check this: stepmom here.  The children’s mom has an ILLNESS that is not easily tested even under the best of circumstances, and she presumably developed an addiction after self medicating it.  She doesn’t have the capacity to be a fully functioning parent right now.  How DARE you call her a bio mom?  That is a derogatory term even when used in the case of adoptions.  She is the children’s *mother*.  You could start with the gift of not restring her with such derision.  She is sick.

Secondly, you could give everyone the gift of therapy from an addiction aware, trauma informed therapist.  If the kids are so estranged from her, they are likely internalizing her addiction as a *choice* and they are marry with her for not choosing them.  That is unhealthy for them and can cause huge issues as they grow up.

Thirdly…if you stalk her on social media enough to know what she posts, maybe you know something that interests her?  The gifts with the names and initials of her kids feel cruel to me, like you are needling her for what she doesn’t have.[/quote]

Mom though adoption and step-mom.  Your post is offensive.  Biological Mom is a term used in adoption.  OP is inappropriate to use it in the way she does but it is a normal term in adoption as is birth mom.  And, I am 100% my child's mom.

Her getting the mom a gift from the kids is a lovely thing.  We get our child's maternal birthfamiy gifts regularly as they do all of us (read ALL).  It is a healthy thing for the kids to be a part of.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics