Reply to Am I raising a brat, and how do I fix this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.[/quote]

I'm a person who likes to help others.  So I'd do something like drop an adult off at a house so they don't have to schlep around with me in a store.  We do these types of things every day.  So I don't think it's a bad thing to do in itself.   She just needs to understand it can't always be done, just like you wouldn't be able to accommodate an adult sometimes.  This is just how life works.

Part of this is the age.   Kids are self-centered.  They have no clue what it means to coordinate hundreds of details a day for multiple people, possibly pets, and jobs.    I talk my son through it when he gets frustrated.   Sometimes I can drop him off.  Sometimes he's stuck with me.  What can he do to make his time in Mom jail more tolerable?  ;)    I used to have a book with me wherever I went and I would just read.   My son doesn't.  But he likes listening to music.   So I told him to have his airpods with him.   Take some agency in making himself more comfortable when he can't do what he wants to do.

With the stuff like the different meals.   I involve my son in the cooking.   I show him how I make 3 things for dinner (protein, veggie, additional veggie/starch) so that there's something everyone likes, even if they aren't thrilled with the protein.    I let him cook on Wednesdays, which helps me out time-wise, shows him what's involved in preparing a whole meal for people, and better understand the impact of feedback after putting in the effort.

And finally, we practice gratitude.   I talk about how some things suck, but others are great.   And we need to focus on what's good in our lives, what we are lucky to have.   And discuss how to build the resilience to manage the rest.

It's a long-term effort.   But my son is now 15 and I see the pay-off. [/quote]

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