Reply to Am I raising a brat, and how do I fix this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.[/quote]

What did you say/do when she said “you had all day to do this?”[/quote]

You don’t have to answer that directly. Be sure you’ve had the conversation people mentioned before about what entitled is, not wanting her to be spoiled, etc. do that out of the moment. In the moment, you validate how she is feeling. That doesn’t mean you agree with her- so in this instance you could say- I know you don’t want to go to the store now. Yep, you’d rather go home. I get it.  That may be enough. It may not be. This step let’s her know you hear or get how she feels. Don’t give her pity or - I’m so sorry, yes I know you don’t want to and feed her ego. No, be understanding that you get how she feels. In those moments she isn’t going to hear your logic explaining why you are taking her. And if straight validation isn’t enough, then you can add a statement about “I know you don’t want to go to the store. You wish I’d drop you at home. Today you get to come with me.”  If she is really pissed and sticks in her heels, so be it. If she pouts around the store, so be it. That is step one to this process.

The huge thing you are tackling is that you are changing what has worked foe years for her. Which is why you have to be consistent now. Now more than ever. If you give in intermittently, it will be worse.

Listen to Rachel Bailey podcasts, she explains things in ways that make sense. And gives you strategies to help in and out of the moment. Just rember in those moments when she is acting like a brat, it will be hard to rationalize bc she isn’t acting rational.  So many episodes could help number 101, 99, 90, 89, 77.

You can do this. It is tough and it will be worth it. Good for you seeing this as an opportunity to parent your daughter to grow up be to be a flexible, compassionate kid who will start to learn we don’t all get our way all the time. She and you are going to need to give her places for her feelings bc she will be pissed. And she can say she is mad. It is the behavior that isn’t ok. [/quote]

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