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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DW here. Timeline:

Years 0-12: sex 1x every 1-2 wks on average
10 mos ago: slowdown to 1-2x month
3 mos ago: sexless

The reasons are complicated but key things for me are 
- we have been emotionally distant for 3-4 years but still had sex routinely with DH as only initiator 
- 2 years ago we had an emotionally damaging (for me) sex encounter where I said No and he said he was going to get sex because he paid a lot for the trip we were on — really put a sharper point on sex entitlement/sex as transactional (note: we continued to have sex routinely after that)
- 10 mos ago in therapy together we switched roles where I would be the sole initiator and frequency went down
- 3 mos ago I was somewhat triggered about the events from 2 years ago and feel uncomfortable/emotionally unsafe having sex
- we are working hard on the emotional part and I hope the sex part will follow suit

Difference perhaps with other sexless marriages is because of our therapy we talk a lot about this stuff and we’re mostly on the same page currently despite there being no sex. 
[/quote]

This sounds terrible.  What on earth was the sex encounter? Was it a swingers type thing? I’m sorry that happened to you, and it’s not ok. [/quote]
Thank you. It always helps to hear that because for awhile I just brushed it off and also would sometimes wonder if I was being dramatic.

“Sex encounter” sounds more clinical or kinky than it was — by that I just meant a time that he and I had sex. We were on a big trip, we had had sex every night (3-4 nights) up to that point and when he initiated that next night I said no as I was tired and frankly sore. The he made the expensive trip comment and I basically froze up but we had sex anyway. We had been drinking wine at a nice dinner and he was drunk (and doesn’t remember the moment firsthand).

It has taken me awhile to acknowledge and realize how damaging it was for me emotionally, and I am in my own therapy too which I think helps. [/quote]

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