Reply to What is a "normal" amount of drinking for a mid-30's/early 40's parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to drink a lot more and cut back a ton in my late 30s/early 40s (I now basically only drink socially and then only if there will be food served -- drinking alcohol without a meal just makes me ill at this point). This coincided with becoming a parent but is only incidentally related -- I found that when I started drinking again post-pregnancy, my tolerance was really low. Also, I had a rough pregnancy with a lot of health issues and once it was over, I mostly wanted to just feel well in my body. I didn't have a strong desire to feel tipsy and I definitely didn't want to feel hungover. So that really changed how I approach alcohol.

But one thing I've notice going from someone who used to drink the way OP  describes and no longer does -- people who drink like this are more impaired than they think they are. Since my DH and most of my friends still drink this way, I just notice it in a way I never used to.[b] No one is falling down drunk or even visibly tipsy most of the time. But I now notice how often people don't remember details from a recent evening. I also notice how some people become more argumentative or less logical when they are drinking, even after only a couple drinks. [/b] I never noticed any of this before. It doesn't bother me but it is a reminder that even people with high alcohol tolerances who seem very civilized when they drink are impacted by it. And there are situations where it leads to negative situations, because consistently failing to remember details from events and becoming more conflict-prone and less reasonable on a regular basis can have a real cumulative effect on your relationships. You wind up seeing how some of the marital discord or diminished friendships actually might be due to drinking even thought the drinking doesn't seem like that big of a deal. It does change how people behave.[/quote]

OP here. This is exactly what I've noticed. As the sober one, by the end a lot of people are more loose lipped and maybe a few are just acting a little off. People are louder. Conversations are a bit more passionate. Folks can handle their liquor and no one is falling down drunk, but on some nights there are definitely people not acting as I think they would if they were sober. And then they joke about it the next day which is very strange to me.

Another poster said something about parenting culture and "the implication that we have to drink in order to survive a child-focused activity" which really resonated with me. I definitely get that feeling from other parents sometimes and it makes me uncomfortable too.

I think there is a mix of people in this group--the social, "once a week I'll have a drink or two" folks and the "bring a beer to soccer practice/wagon with a cooler in it while trick or treating" folks.

I appreciate all of the perspectives.[/quote]

I’m late to this thread, but appreciate you starting it, OP.  Everything you said in the above post resonated with me.  IMO, drinking to the point of significantly lowered inhibitions (and especially inability to remember what happened) is problematic.  We’ll drink at backyard gatherings, but not at soccer games or trips to the park, the latter with the exception of a big Halloween party.  This year is the first DH and I had a drink during ToT, we never did when our kids were younger (they’re 10, 8, and 6).

I remember the thread a PP referenced further above, about people getting drunk to the point of vomiting in the backyard and she’s right, most people, on that thread weirdly blew it off.  Many people drink more than is healthy, and some of them are addicted to alcohol but still generally functional (can hold steady jobs, maintain their relationships, etc.).  Our culture both normalizes heavy alcohol consumption and stigmatizes those with alcohol problems, which is a tough combination.[/quote]

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