Reply to How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?

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Reply to "How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]You don't "let them go", you distance. You talk/see them less. A lot less. If it was a weekly friend, make it monthly. If it was monthly, make it 3 times a year. It if was 3 times a year, make it once a year or once every other year.

And what happens when they keep contacting you or even tell you how much it hurts them that you don’t put in more effort? I do the slow fade myself but over the years, I have had two friends make clear that they wanted me to be in better touch and they were very hurt that I didn’t put in more effort[/quote]

If they completely reject you because they aren't getting enough of your attention, so be it. If they completely reject you because you are not having a heart-to-heart discussion with them over this, so be it. You are entitled to privacy, to the degree you desire. Their emotional expectations are not more important than this.

The idea is: the time you spend together is pleasant. Imho, any two people can get along for -some- period of time. Hopefully enjoy each other. The hard part is finding the length and duration. If both are working to advance the relationship, the time increases. If only one works to advance the relationship, it isn't right for the time to increase.[/quote]

+1 for this right here. I had a very close friend who I slowly realized was selfish, manipulative and most likely didn’t care much at all about me beyond what i could do for her. I wanted to create space between us so I did the slow fade and always tried to make sure we hung out in groups rather than 1:1. Well she didn’t like that much and she eventually just rejected any contact at all. I knew she was the sort who wouldn’t take feedback well (I’ve seen her get very defensive and angry when other friends confronted her) so that was my best strategy. We have a couple mutual friends so I had hoped to stay on good terms. We are still social media “friends “ but no longer text or call whatsoever and I’m so happy this way. No regrets. You don’t always have to confront or make a big deal. If the other person can accept the new terms of the friendship and level it down to acquaintance status, great. If not and they keep pushing or become angry like my ex friend did, then to me it just highlights the existing dysfunction and validates why I wanted to step back in the first place [/quote]

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