Reply to Can you tell when someone is an only child as an adult?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't get the assumption that only children will be spoiled, used to being the center of attention, demanding, etc. I don't think this reflects what it's actually like to grow up as an only. I do think this describes the experience of some (not all) youngest children. who also don't all grow up to be spoiled! But I do think that what people think is the experience of only children is actually the experience of some youngest children.

Only children don't have to compete with siblings for attention or resources, true. But in most families, those are limited resources no matter what. Unless your family is very wealthy, you are not going to get everything you want whenever you want it. I think sometimes people with siblings develop this idea that the reason they don't have what they want is because of their siblings, and it's probably not true. Only children still get served vegetables when they want pizza. They still have chores and curfews. They go to school, have to clean up their rooms, etc. If they don't, it's not because they are only children, it's because of other factors (indulgent parents, limited boundaries, extreme wealth or privilege). And people with siblings can have those things too.

Plus only children have less access to people to pay them attention and pump them up. As an only, sometimes your parents will be busy, plus they will sometimes be focused on themselves or each other. It's not 100% focus on you. That's why onlies often do learn to entertain themselves fairly easily or to be a bit more independent. Because they are often left to their own devices quite a bit as kids.

Youngest kids are much more likely to get used to being the center of attention because they aren't limited to their parents for attention. They have their parents plus their older siblings, which means in some families that youngest kids really do get used to never having to figure stuff out on their own, to their own detriment. They can get really accustomed to praise because families often fall into the habit of always praising the youngest no matter what, so they don't feel left out or like they aren't as good. And humans are programmed to view the smallest of any set as the cutest and most appealing -- it's a protective instinct. So youngest children have often gone their entire lives being told they are so cute and everything they do is just great. Sometimes older siblings help to counteract this by challenging that status quo (which is actually good!) but some families never do this and it can be really negative for that kid. When I have encountered adults in their 20s and 30s who are somehow simultaneously really attractive and fun to be around, and also absolutely infuriating as people, they are always the youngest in their family. Just frequently a real lack of basic life skills and some very weird expectations about where they stand with relation to other people. I think they are often very unaware of it as well. It can be a real challenge, especially because they are often very nice and friendly (while being unknowingly very entitled and demanding).[/quote]

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