Reply to Can you tell when someone is an only child as an adult?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm an only child with an only child who is tremendously offended by all the "eww onlies!" posts but I will say that the whole thing about being more independent, less driven to compete for resources, and more confident in their choices/stubborn is probably typical in many cases. It makes sense, and certainly applies to me and to my son. The sharing thing, I don't know. My husband has kind of taken on the [b]antagonist sibling role[/b] (intentionally) for my kid, so we try to handle that.

That all said, there are so many factors with how kids are socialized and what their family and close contact dynamics are, that it's really difficult to generalize. [/quote]

I find these generalizations about only children not sharing in childhood totally untrue for the only children I know. The only children I know have NO PROBLEM sharing with others because they don’t have the fear that they won’t get the toy/thing/turn back. They are used to sharing with adults, who (except for the PP) likely model a very civilized form of sharing. Kids who have siblings are way more on edge about sharing because they know what the stakes are if their sibling takes their toy (it could be destroyed, parents could decide it is the sibling’s turn, could get lost, etc etc). I watch siblings hide toys from each other, purposely destroy the sibling’s toy, declare that certain toys are “theirs,” etc. Being in a sibling relationship—especially those in which children are only a couple of years apart—can require a territorialness that being an only doesn’t. How that shapes you, I don’t know. But it isn’t universally true that since only children don’t have to share at home, they don’t know how. Only children have to share in daycare and all through elementary school, just like everybody else…isn’t that where kids spend most of their time?

As for adult only children… I only know a couple since it was relatively uncommon when we were growing up. They are all nice, balanced, loving people. One was adopted. One was the child of parents who worked a lot. One was a naturally gifted athlete whose childhood revolved around that. One’s childhood was characterized by losing a parent. There’s so much in life, situation, genetics. Are people the way they are because of birth order? Partially, at BEST. Don’t base your decision on having/not having an only child on a set of generalizations that people make. Only children are as diverse in personality, gifts, weaknesses as people with siblings.

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