Reply to I don't want to spend holidays with my in-laws

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Reply to "I don't want to spend holidays with my in-laws - ever "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I hope in all these years, you or your husband asked WHY they didn't want to make time for you outside of Holidays. I hope you pointed out how strange and unusual it was for them to live so close (my parents in live in Europe, my aunts live in Asia, and until recently, another aunt lived in the Middle East) yet never want to see you.

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Yes, we have. And we've always received reassurances that it's not that they don't want to see us but they made plans. It's not that they don't want to see us but so-and-so expects to hang out for such-and-such. It's not that they don't love us but they made a commitment to do this and that. It's not that they don't care about quality time, but they have to think about quality time with so many (they have four grandkids, three of them are ours).

One of the saddest things about being in this situation is the feeling that we are being gaslighted. Oh there's nothing wrong, we just don't want to see you until it's holiday time and we can post the pics on FB. The other sad part are the insinuations - and I'm sure you don't mean it this way, PP - that somehow DH and I are deserving of our in-laws' rejection. We aren't.

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I think I would probably agree to one holiday (likely Christmas, because Friendsgivings are the best), and have your husband handle telling them, and, if they push back, use their own lines back at them.  "It's not that we don't want to see you, but we made plans."  "It's not that we don't love you, but we made a commitment."  "It's not that we don't care about the holidays, but we have to think about how to manage them with so many."  Etc.

Definitely have your husband manage the communication, and make sure he doesn't throw you under the bus.  If he agrees with you, then all you have to do is decline the invitation and let the guilt trip roll on over you.  [/quote]

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