Reply to Leaving. Advice for how to minimize impact on college aged kids

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Leaving. Advice for how to minimize impact on college aged kids"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do what you need to do for you. It’s the oxygen mask metaphor. Put on your mask before you help others with theirs.[/quote]

Except it's more like she's not going to help the kids, she's going to have them deal with their dad without her.[/quote]

They are adults! They have to forge their own relationships in life regardless of parents' marriage status.[/quote]

It's not "forging a relationship", it's caring for an elderly adult with a personality disorder.  That's what she's sticking them with, because she doesn't want to do it.  Sorry but "My husband is super horrible so I am justified in leaving, and also this will be easy for the kids to deal with on their own" doesn't make any sense.[/quote]

I'm the pp you responded to. It's not 'sticking them with' the stbxdh. He's not a car or a beanie baby or something. Dh is responsible for HIS OWN relationship with the Adult kids. The Adult kids are responsible for forging their own relationships. If DH behaves so badly to them that they don't want to deal with him, that is dh's fault.

Really, it's healthier for everyone if they divorce and then everyone has room to choose healthy, or no, relationships.[/quote]

Well, no.  It is not necessarily healthier for the kids.  Healthier for them might be that their mother continues to shield them.  Now, she has no obligation to do so, but don't pretend like this is an improvement over the status quo for the kids.  Don't expect they will be happy about this.  It's important to go into a difficult divorce with eyes wide open.  [/quote]

So OP should remain in an abusive relationship because it might be easier for her kids. [/quote]

Can you read at all?  No, OP does not have to stay.  But she should not expect her children to find their situation easy or manageable as her STBX ages.  She should understand that her children are between and rock and a hard place, doing something very difficult that she has opted out of.  She should not expect them to be happy for her, at least at first, and she should be sympathetic to the difficulties of their situation.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics