Reply to DS14 arranging his own social life - how much do I need to be involved?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids did their own socializing too, except, I make it a point to know the parents and have everyone's contact info.  I also invite parents to our home to get to know them for drinks or tea etc.

We have a large friends network and we socialize a lot. My kids have grown up knowing how to host parties, make plans and be inclusive. This is very cultural for us.

So, in short, great that kids are socializing. However, you need to know who they are hanging out with and they need to know what is unacceptable. [/quote]

No.

I’m happy to exchange info and be in friendly contact related to my kids but I don’t need to get to know you just because our teenage kids hang out.  Too much.  I have friends and my time is limited and valuable.  No drinks or tea.[/quote]

You have friends and your time is limited and valuable.  [b]Why on earth did you have kids? [/b]That's really sad.  You probably have no clue how  your kids behave, but the rest of us do.[/quote]

Not dp, but harsh response. My kid had friends in HS that I knew the parents in general, some I didn't, some parents I'd never met. We built trust and tracker on the phone. There were some parents of his closest friend who were lovely, but we just didn't bond with. So no, I don't have time for tea and cookies either, and that's ok. [/quote]

Its not a harsh response.  You need to be involved with your kids.  And, that means knowing where they are and what's going on there.  [b]Its not about being friends but communication.[/b]  A tracker on the phone is good but that doesn't say what they are actually doing, just they are where they say they are.

But, this is why I used to have everyone at our house.  I'd rather spend a fortune on pizza and feeding everyone and they be safe with us vs. at a home with checked out parents who don't care or monitor things.[/quote]

But that's not what you said.  You said.

"I also invite parents to our home to get to know them for drinks or tea etc."

People can communicate without the above.

Also, just because parents don't want to hang out with you does not mean they are checked out or don't monitor things.   Just a ridiculous premise.

[/quote]

My experience has been that involved parents welcome the chance to get to know us too.  I invite people in my home and they will come inside and chat for some time and stay for tea, coffee, wine etc.  Would I want my kid to hang out in a house where the parents don't have basic manners? No.  I chalk them as selfish and self-centered people.  I also feel that there is some kind of dysfunction in their family.  If parents are able to talk to me and are welcoming, I am assured that they are functional, normal and they have nothing to hide.  My kids have a thriving social life and I have always noted that the parents  who are involved will model the correct behavior for socialization  to their children.

I don't expect the parents to become my bosom buddies, but, we are cordial, warm and welcoming to each other. We are allies in looking out for all of our children. I find that it makes parenting easier especially in teen years. [/quote]

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