Reply to Why do you blame your DIL/SIL instead of your son/brother?

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[quote=Anonymous]So much this. Thank you, OP.

My DH is 100% the reason we don’t see his family as much, and that our DC doesn’t have a close relationship. I will suggest visiting them more often, but my DH doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t enjoy visiting. They stress him out and depress him. I don’t live it either but have empathy for everyone involved (MIL is a widow with mental health issues, BIL has a lot of problems). They are not my family so they don’t stress me out as much. But he’s miserable there.

I don’t blame him. Whenever we visit, there is always some drama about something or other. All these recriminations. It’s very draining.

Recently I told my DH that maybe we should buy a bigger home further out, with space for his mom to stay with us for longer periods, because as it is she never visits because she doesn’t feel comfortable traveling alone. I figure if she could come for longer times, we could figure out a way to get her here. He just looked exhausted when I said it. He knows there’s something to it, but it feels like giving up his happiness to spend so much time with them.

They all blame me. In a way I’m fine with it— I’m impervious at this point. But if they actually focused on my DH instead of just blaming me, they might repair those broken relationships. But no one wants to try. And I’m not going to step in. I have my own family issues. Plus I’d rather focus my energy on the dynamic between my DH and I, and with our DC. I don’t want this to happen to us when she’s grown.[/quote]

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