Reply to How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't stand up to his family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is the OP. 
My husband's family are not 'bad' people. They never shout or swear, or argue in public. They're not obnoxious. My husband comes from a stable family who are financially secure. All children went to expensive private schools. However for some reason we often get treated like we're on the periphery of his family.

My husband's usual explanation is 'that's the way they are'.

One of his sisters is very competitive. I remember a conversation between her and me years ago. I remember it because it is so typical of her. At the time she was pregnant with her first child (and the first grandchild in the family). She got pregnant almost straight after getting married. 
By that time DH and I had been married for about 2 years, but had no kids.
She and I had met for lunch. She asked if her pregnancy didn't bother me. I said no, why would it bother me. She answered, well as you and my brother don't have kids yet, I thought maybe you've been trying and you can't have any.
We are childless by choice ...

It's the holier than thou, superior attitude that gets to me.[/quote]

I don’t understand why the sister’s question triggered you so much. Sounds like she was trying to understand and be sensitive if her pregnancy was difficult on the two of you. Are you sure, OP, you’re not looking for reasons to be offended? You don’t have to read something into every little comment. [/quote]

Agree with PP 100%.

You really are looking for trouble, OP. Sure DH's sister has said or implied some off the wall things to you in the past. But that doesn't mean you have a weak spouse who 'doesn't stand up to his family'. It just means you have no ability to let things roll off your back and you like to create conflict. Be better.[/quote]

OP here.

I found her comment patronizing at the time. She is not a bad person but she has a patronizing side to her. My husband thinks this too. He is friendly with his siblings but he doesn't go out of his way to nurture his relationship with them. They are different in personality from my husband. As the eldest of the children my husband is the 'sensible' one and the only one with a full-time, steady job. The others are either married to high earning spouses and don't work, or they move in bohemian circles my husband can't relate to.

In any case, it doesn't explain why DH and I sometimes get excluded from family events. With this, I mean small, casual events organized by his siblings, usually with their mom present. 
We do get invited to big family gatherings, like milestone birthdays, family reunions, etc.[/quote]

Hmmm ... do you actually wonder why you get excluded?  Think!

BTW - SIL may have a foible of putting her foot in her mouth or sounding patronizing.  That's cause to roll your eyes privately or maybe develop some ways to steer the conversation.  But it's not some kind of giant offense you need to get confrontational about . People have flaws. And in-laws especially don't always have the best chemistry, so those flaws can become amplified in your mind.  Just let it roll off your back. [/quote]

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