Reply to My DH does not understand what it's like to be the primary parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know why y’all marry these men.[/quote]

When I married him, he was a self-sufficient adult who owned a home, was great at his job, planned dates for us, did his own laundry, etc. I never expected to be in this situation, and even when we had one kid he was pretty good. But something about the second kid... he just checks out a lot now. I have no idea what red flags I supposedly missed. I don't know what I could have done to prevent this beyond aggressively forcing him to take on childcare duties when they were babies. Should I have forced him to take a solo paternity leave, would that have helped? But then how do you even do that, it was not an option for us.

I think he hit a limit on parenting and we didn't know what that limit was going to be until we exceeded it. He was doing fine up until then.[/quote]

NP, but same here.  My DH gave zero indication he would be so uninvolved as a parent.  In fact, we had to go through IVF to have them, and he was super involved in that whole process.  Then the reality of actual parenting hit, and he changed.  Our second was born during the pandemic,  and he's totally checked out now.
Had I known I would be 95% responsible for the children, the house, etc...I never would have married him.  Looking back, the only clue I had was that his father was also like this, and left everything up to DH's mom, too.  I wish I had seen more of that dynamic at play before we married, but I wasn't around FIL much until later.[/quote]

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