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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Not every marriage or committed relationship is a completely open book with full transparency between partners.

Here’s an informal poll. If you are in such a relationship, do you have secrets from your spouse or partner about any of the following:

1. Porn consumption 
2. Solo satisfaction (not involving spouse)
3.  Sexual fantasies

Would also be interested to hear why, if yes, you choose not to be completely open and transparent — and how those who can answer no to all 3 Qs got to that point of openness with spouse.

Any info on age, gender, length of relationship would also be welcome.

This is NOT a question about affairs.[/quote]

Guy here.  Married 18 years.  I do/did all 3 of those but I quit porn (it’s just not good for guys).  No, I don’t tell her about them.  If I had to guess, she doesn’t do #1 but does read nasty romance novels, probably doesn’t do #2 (she’s a super busy type A career person and wasting minutes just isn’t her thing).  She probably does have #3 - who doesn’t?[/quote]
DH, is that you?

Married 18 yrs, and I read erotica, once in a while will watch porn, but he knows I do sometimes.  And I do #2 as well, later at night, when I know DH is asleep.  #3 obviously.

I do #2 because sometimes, I don't want to do much else. Just get to the point, and he isn't that great in bed. I do a better job reaching a more powerful O, and sometimes, it's late, and I don't want to wake him, though he has stated to wake him up when I'm in the mood. But, it's just easier for me sometimes.[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for the many candid replies. On this last one, I am wondering if DH is really so untrainable, whether you just don’t want to spend more time which it might take if you woke him up, or whether involving him might lead to demands re other activities that you just don’t feel like doing. B/c it sounds like he would like to be woken up.

Also did not think about erotic lit vs porn, maybe because I don’t read it and doubt partners would hide reading it from each other (but maybe they would). [/quote]

My husband is super judgmental about my erotic literature! Or he was at first, until he asked me if I was reading pron and I said no, this is just romance, if I wanted pron I’d go to game of thrones (or whatever HBO show he was watching) for that. It fine now, but at first he was so judgmental which is weird since he and I have watched pron together many times. There is a stigma about erotic literature for sure. [/quote]

DH here.  Would not care in the least if my DW read erotic lit.  I'd read it with her.  :) [/quote]

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