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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think my spouse will be angry.  He thinks our relationship is fine.  I’ve told him many times it’s not, we have gone to counseling twice.  He hasn’t changed.  He is too focused on work. Divorce will upend his easy life, so I expect it will get ugly.  I want to prepare and get organized before things get heated so it can go as smoothly as possible. [/quote]

He won’t be surprised; though he may try to be and try to blame you for wrecking everything (his easy, selfish life). You’ve tried to be adults and talk about it; he will not or cannot. The fact that any lawyer or therapist you’ve spoke with pegs him as one so unreasonable that you have to move out in order to get a response for him tells us everything we need to know.  He doesn’t even have enough maturity to move out himself when asked or via a separation/temp custody letter.

Can you move out with the kids or is he a competent caregiver and good with them and for them?

Yes pick your lawyer, sign the retainer, fill everything out.  Move and file that same day for separation and temporary everything. 
His lawyer will call yours, talk through them. 
You may be able to mediate, or he goes bonkers and wants to fight everything. In that case freeze all joint bank and brokerage accounts also when filing.

I would not tell him anything, he already failed at responding to talks about the relationship, feelings, goals, and his role/work addiction.  Trust and love is gone. [/quote]

I think you are giving terrible advice that will lead to a high conflict divorce. Mine was amicable because I took the slow road and did not do it the way you describe. The way you describe leads to very high conflict divorces. The better way is to insist you need to divorce and do it in the best interest of the kids and get a property settlement agreement done that is fair. People can mediate or mediate with attorneys. The way you support leads to a tramautic divorce. You have to work together vs. being pit against each other.[/quote]

Have you ever gotten divorced? You both are saying the same thing, but either way someone has to move out, someone has to file for separation, and someone has to start the finances and custody agreement talks.

What does “slow road” event mean? 5-10 years and wait until the children are in college? Sit on your couch and agree to terms, get them papered up at the mediators and then both sign them? The latter happens in 80% of the time, especially if both parents are decent child caregivers and know the marriage is over.  [/quote]

Yes, I am divorced. My divorce took two years. The slow road means not being abrupt and nasty. The slow road is being a mature adult, not fighting, and agreeing to part ways in way that the kids are not disrupted as much as possible. Yes, we agreed to terms (and it was not 50/50 completely) and got a divorce. But it took two years to accomplish that. If I abruptly got up and moved  out immediately upon separation, that is not the slow road. My road was actually very slow because I wanted out before a child. I waited 8 years to separate. Then the separation to final divorce was two years. My kids are still in elementary school. I was never ever waiting until college. That is crazy.[/quote]

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