Reply to Parents who don’t foster healthy relationships in childhood yet expect them in adulthood?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Parents who don’t foster healthy relationships in childhood yet expect them in adulthood?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP this seems like something to explore in therapy.  Your mother was a child when she had you.

If you can find a way to view her as a flawed human who did the best she could, you might be able to find some compassion for her.[/quote]

This.

Are you a mother yet? That should give you a different perspective. I hope you have a 16 year old daughter someday so you can see things from the other side.

If you could build a loving relationship with your in-laws, then surely you can have a relationship with your own mother.

Get therapy, and build a healthy new relationship with your mom. Forget the past, and focus on the present. [/quote]

Only a person who has a nomal parental relationship can say this.  [b]Once I had my child, I had a lot of realizations about the abuse that I went through growing up and not even knowing it.[/b]  I realized that I was an unhappy child, depressed and I remember at least at one point that I wanted to die.  I only realized this when I had a child that I need to care for and raise and found out I did not want a lot of things that affected me psychologically to affect DC.  Thank for your post OP, I’m having such a hard time accepting why I don’t love my mom and I think this is one of the big reasons why.[/quote]

After many years of trying to create safe distance and make believe, I cut off my mom when my DC turned 3 because I didn't want her in our life at all. [b]Having a 3yo, and remembering how my mom treated a 3yo, well, that clenched it.[/b] [/quote]

Not OP but thank you for these comments. That is exactly how I feel and why I have distanced myself from my mother. I have a 4yo and and it boggles my mind that my mother beat me with a belt at that age.  I used to think it was normal and ok for parents to be authoritarians but in handling the tantrums or disobedience that is normal for small children, I know there is a better way. It takes a LOT of work and control to manage the only response that I know and experienced growing up but I hope I am giving my kids a better life.

OP - my mom had kids young and with an absentee partner and I know exactly how you feel. I heard "I wish I never had kids" my entire life. Your mother was emotionally immature and still does not understand (or want to understand) the impact of her words and actions.

You were and are not responsible for her feelings. Only she can work that out.

Good luck to you.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics