Reply to For those who are separated/divorced

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think my spouse will be angry.  He thinks our relationship is fine.  I’ve told him many times it’s not, we have gone to counseling twice.  He hasn’t changed.  He is too focused on work. Divorce will upend his easy life, so I expect it will get ugly.  I want to prepare and get organized before things get heated so it can go as smoothly as possible. [/quote]

Clearly he does not understand how serious the situation is from your perspective.  If there is any chance he might snap out of his work-always trance if he knew you were at the end of your rope, it might make sense to let him know more directly.  He may be thinking you're just going through some ups and downs in the marriage.  Maybe if you told him directly that you feel like you're at the end of your rope and ask him whether he sees any possibility that things could change, he might finally understand.  -- former workaholic DH who saw the light[/quote]

Sometimes an ultimatum finally gets a person's attention.  If you say that this has to change or I do not see a future to this marriage.  I don't want to leave I would like to have a different life with you, but it can't be this life that has developed to become this.  He might change, and in any event if you do this he can never claim to be surprised.  [/quote]

That requires some self awareness, maturity, and no personality/ mental disorders.

Two therapy sessions and your life partners telling you her concerns and marital issues were the last straw. No need for drama now. He had years to be a real partner, father and homeowner, and he wasn’t. [/quote]

A man can be driven by fears about being a good provider and securing a financially sound future, so that he ends up working in totally unhealthy ways (esp in jobs and industries where this is highly encouraged).  That doesn't excuse this behavior, but I do think it is a form of myopia and not mental illness.  If that is what is going on, even a couple of therapy sessions might be misunderstood as just a few bumps in the road (of course, it depends on what was said in those sessions).

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Op said they tired therapy twice, likely for multiple sessions. So she knows if anything improved or not after those two attempts.

Op is on a good track. She’ll be relieved soon and once this is all over. [/quote]

OP here. No, all those other replies were not me. Appreciate some of the feedback. But I am not seeking advice on the marriage. I am specifically looking for information regarding people who have been divorced or separated for their experiences of moving out.[/quote]

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