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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother has those expectations as well. Once I read, "The hardest thing about having a narcissistic parent as a grown person is the expectation of a relationship that doesn't exist."[/quote]

Wow! I relate to this strongly. I went through stages of trying to please and appease, then creating distance, then never giving her anything she could use against me, and then was butting up against the fact that there really was no relationship. I didn't exist as a real person to her, only like an appendage, and she tried to get me to play along, and I totally played along, flapping a phantom limb, until it got to be entirely ridiculous. I had no mother!

When it comes to accepting flawed people who did their best, I have that going on with my dad. We've had a road, but he is about the most lovely guy who ever made the mistake of having married and made kids with a crazy toxic person. He wasn't even close to perfect when I was growing up, but he is a source of comfort now. [/quote]

Pp, how did you co.e to terms with your mom issue?  I'm still figuring out mine.[/quote]

I had a total stress breakdown after a visit with her, and started weekly therapy. Within a few months of therapy, I decided to stop communicating with her. It has been 2 years since then. I am content with the decision. I have made more personal progress these past two years than I thought possible. My decision made some waves through my family, but positive, it made things that were not acknowledged get acknowledged, people seem more like they want to deal in reality than they did before.

I have a close friend who dealt with a narcissistic abusive mom with firm boundaries and lots of strategies and distance, and it seems to work for her. Not saying estrangement is for everyone.

I recommend therapy. Prior to therapy, I read lots of good books. Books can't do what therapy does.[/quote]

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