Reply to How to 'get over' my parents' untimely deaths?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi, this is OP again.

I would like to thank all of you for your advice, your kind messages of support, and for sharing your stories. I'm sending hugs to those of you who have also lost their parents.

Deep down I know I would benefit from getting counselling. I have often thought about it but then didn't act upon it as, like I said in my post, I was brought up to solve problems on my own and not ask anybody for help. I thought I would eventually make peace with my parents' deaths as time passed, but I know I haven't. I try and avoid situations that trigger me, and I hold onto my parents' material things. Some examples. Celebrating Christmas with my inlaws. One of my SILs and her husband love hosting family on Christmas Day. They are great hosts and wonderful cooks. I love Christmas too, but celebrating with DH's family makes me feel anxious and sad because I miss the Christmases with my parents.  I even get anxious in the weeks and days leading up to the day. I know it's pathetic to feel like this. I smile and act jolly when I'm there but I'm hurting inside.

I've kept most of my parents' clothes. They are neatly stored in our house. I sometimes look at the clothes or I feel the fabrics, especially when I'm feeling down. They're like a comfort blanket. I have also kept many of my mom's books and her postcard collection. And all the family photos (hundreds). My mom's glasses. My dad's paperwork and notebooks. And various other things.

My parents had a full and happy life, they loved every minute of it, and I'm thankful for that. I know they would feel sad and disappointed even, if they knew I was unhappy.

As for making friends, I find it quite hard to develop new friendships as an adult, which is strange as I work in a very people-oriented field where I have to do a lot talking to new people  all the time. I do have 2 or 3 good old friends in my hometown. We've know each other since kindergarten and they never moved away. They knew my parents, and I knew theirs. 
We keep in touch and we meet up when I visit.

DH has been so supportive throughout.

[/quote]

OP, you are NOT pathetic to feel like that. Unless you've been in this boat, you wouldn't understand, but those of us in it with you get it. You're not pathetic. This is hard. [/quote]

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