Reply to How to de-escalate an argument with someone who refuses to and doesn't care about the consequences

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Walking away is thrown back as "refusing to engage" - even if the walking away is after a several minute diatribe against me.

Suggesting spouse go take a walk until they are less angry escalates confrontation - "Don't you EVER tell me to get out of my house, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!" at the top of voice.

The kids are traumatized and have been for years. He doesn't care at all and my attempts to say I won't have screaming matches in front of them is futile. I should have left YEARS ago and I know it. If I attempt it now it will be a scorched earth battle for sure.

He travels a lot for work and doesn't really give a crap about actually interacting with the kids so in general, avoidance has been the key.

Any tips other than preparing for divorce?

[/quote]

Read up on divorcing a narcissist and only bother speaking to attorneys experienced with verbally abusive/ domestic violence white collar bastards to walk the line. 
You can do it and get comfortable with a rapid fire plan to get out. Then pull the trigger, execute and let the lawyer handle everything. Do not bother trying to mediate with an abuser or liar. Do not bother, they are not honest. [/quote]

Gosh, I could have written your post. I left a man exactly like this. He has suspecte CTE from football. Same patterns, with alcohol abuse added in.

The above advice is excellent. I would also urge you to read the "Narc abuse and divorce" forum on reddit, find the "One Mom's BAttle" page on FB, and prepare yourself. My divorce from a dude like this took 27 mos, 200,000 and we are actively engaged in 5 open post decree motions as he cannot seem to stop attempting to punish me. For what? For being happy. For being successful and out earning him. For existing.

All of that said, I would not go back to my marriage for anything on earth. THough this has been the hardest part of my life, consigning myself to a life with him would have been a fate worse than death. 100%. I have primary custody, you will get that too with the way yours travels. LEave. You can, but more importantly, you deserve to. [/quote]

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