Reply to Should Mother-in-Law Have Asked for Ticket?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was over ten years ago, so I know that I am being ridiculous to be still thinking about it.  No, there was no unusual hit to the finances and she has continued with their current lifestyle over the intervening years, although advancing age has slowed down the vacationing a bit.  And yes, they have expected us to pick up the check for dinners, even ones that they initiated.  The worst part is that she has paid for college for two of the grandchildren (the ones with the worst grades and forays into drugs and huge, expensive tattoos) and not helped at all with the other four grandchildren's education.  My husband has said that he doesn't want her money, since we can pay for college ourselves.  However, for his brother, it was a different situation.  Their son had to go to an in-state college rather than his dream school because his parents couldn't cover that tuition.  And the grandparents didn't offer any sort of help in that situation when they certainly could have helped.  I know I sound bitter.  I have seen tears in my husband's eyes after some of the things they do, and he is a pretty stoic person.  We have paid for nearly all the meals when we go out as a family.  However, once at the Nordstrom's Cafe, his mother got to the head of the line first at the checkout.  He saw her paying and started to walk away, assuming that she had included the entire family, as we do.  Nope.  She paid for herself and her husband, as well as the favored daughter and her kids.  She left out my husband, myself, and our kids.  I felt so badly for him.  My parents never did anything like that to him.  [/quote]

OP, this sort of thing always stings and the DCUM crowd will come out in droves to tell you it isn't your money so not your business to have an opinion or feeling about how it is spent. After years of watching threads devolve in this way,[b] I am convinced that these are either the siblings/grandkids who are getting the preferential treatment, or the kind of people for whom always paying their own way is a point of pride and they look down upon those who are on the receiving end of gifts. [/b]

Favoritism stings and creates rifts and hurt within families that never ends. I am sure when these grandparents pass, they will leave unequal amounts to those favored children and grands and the resentment will surface again. All you can do is show your own children a different way and spend less time and energy on the people who will continue to shortchange your side of the family. Your kids will eventually feel it too and you want to protect them from that hurt your husband is feeling. [/quote]

PP, you forgot about people who prefer to not give other people negative real estate in their heads and lives, and have learned that expecting things of people, like their money and time, only leads to your own anger and disappointment.

OP has spent TEN YEARS (10!) stewing about an airplane ticket. Yes, it’s the symbol of what sounds like a whole dysfunctional relationship, but imagine the negative energy it’s sucked into of her life in that time. The amount of time of looking over SILs shoulders, worried that they got free childcare vs. appreciating the fact that MIL came at all. Comparing notes on gifts and money, instead of DOING something about it.

Yes it hurts, but there’s a point where you have to stop putting your hand to the fire and feeling hurt that the fire is hot. [b]Trust me, MIL aren’t the SIL aren’t losing a wink of sleep over any of this,[/b] much less 10 minutes time so it could be typed out 10 years later on DCUM.

So, OP can be hurt, but it’s not serving her any purpose other than taking time away from what could be a happier life. [/quote]

Of course the favored child who is getting all attention and support isn't losing sleep over it. It sounds like the other family (the brother who could have used the help with college tuition) likely feels as slighted, so OP is probably not alone in her feelings on the subject. She's also given us three examples here - the plane ticket, the college paid for on the druggie grandkids and the meal where granny paid for one family and not the other. There are likely decades worth of the same sorts of things happening with this grandparent, so it isn't unreasonable for OP to feel hurt by it. I think folks are gaslighting OP here by trying to act as if she is the one with the problem. The grandmother is the problem. OP, all you can do is protect yourself and your kids from further harm by this dynamic by reducing interactions. This grandmother won't ever stop what she is doing. [/quote]

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