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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.
Thank you all for your comments (and for reading my vent).

Sometimes I think it’s a socioeconomic thing, too. My colleagues who worked their way up from less money have parents who are so so proud that they are doctors. Therefore, their parents don’t mess with them. Other female colleagues have mothers who had demanding jobs, and are understanding. I’m in a weird netherworld where we were UMC and my mom was a SAHM. My becoming a doctor was no big deal - a few of my moms’s friends sons are doctors - but my mom doesn’t have any professional experience and will say things like “you should just refuse to go to work! Tell them you have to some time with your family!”  And two of her friends sent me mail (on notecards decorated with flowers) telling me I should quit my job “temporarily” in the middle of covid to take care of my dad. I’ll tell you this much, I’m sure none of their sons would ever EVER get a note like that.

Covid times have been awful for everyone, though. So I try to be understanding. But the dog comment made me lose it.[/quote]

Fellow physician mom here. OP, you can’t win. If you lean out, you get blamed for being a crappy doctor. If you lean in, you’re a crappy mom. In reading your first post, I had a sense your mother was a SAHM and has no idea of the responsibilities you carry. Focus on your immediate family and demote your mother’s significance in your life. Agree with others, she sounds toxic. In a sick and twisted way, she probably blames you for your father’s death, as in you as a doctor couldn’t help prevent his death or alleviate his suffering. She probably put her friends up to sending in the notes to you. [/quote]

Another physician mom here who grew up UMC with a physician father who also seems clueless (oddly) about why I have to go into the hospital. He repeatedly states that I shouldn’t go in during covid, don’t take call during covid, as if all these things are a choice. I also feel constantly judged by my work hours and incredible guilt from my family and DHs family. I have gotten used to just ignoring and persevering and I also am hopeful my kids don’t follow my footsteps. I’m grateful for all that I’ve learned, but not sure of constant stress is worth it. I wish for you to find peace in the face of unending judgement, and the knowledge that you could not have changed your puppy’s trajectory significantly. Sounds like your husband and kids are generally supportive. Hopefully you can find some peace in that?[/quote]

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