Reply to Are There Any Red Flags Here?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These responses are kind of strange to me. Your daughter is trying to be active. That’s good. She’s trying to eat healthy and not eat sugary things. That’s good. There’s nothing wrong with that. We should all do that

The only red flag to me in your post is that you said she put on quite a bit of weight, but was still within the healthy range. I found that comment kind of strange. If she’s in the healthy range, why even comment on her weight? Did you make any comments to her or within ear range about her weight?

It’s good exercise. It’s good to not eat sugary foods. I find it odd that you put junk food in her lunch when she is expressed that she doesn’t want it. Maybe your household is not healthy enough and she is trying to change that for herself..[/quote]

Around that age the stress of my family life was really hitting me and yes, girls were comparing thighs and stuff too. I had a sister who was highly competitive and controlling who was the Golden child and always throwing me under the bus, often for things I didn't even do just to retain her status. She also was overweight. I played sports, but not every season. I recalled after a practice or a game that amazing feeling of euphoria and stress relief exercise gave me. I decided during a season I wasn't doing a sport to so a TV show called "20 minute workout" every now and then to feel happier. It worked. My sister "caught" me doing it the basement. Keep in mind I was a normal weight and a healthy eater. She told our mother I was developing an eating disorder because on a Saturday I wanted to workout for 20 minutes. My mother flipped out and made me stop. She still to this day will tell people she saved me from an eating disorder. I realized on the off seasons I struggled with depression and anxiety. It wasn't until college I found my joy. Besides making great friends who were like family and getting away from an very dysfunctional family (could write a book about that), I exercised daily. Never became underweight. Never lost my menstrual cycle or showed signs of an eating disorder. It was a sign of HEALTH and yes, from day 1 I did not just to feel good, but also for vanity reasons. I will admit I did not want to be fat and mean like my sister.

As a middle age adult exercise and healthy eating have kept me from having a nervous breakdown and have kept me thriving. We have been through sandwich generation HELL with both sets of parents now for a decade. One of our kids has health issues. My husband had a major health scare that lasted a year. I could write and endless paragraph on all the stress we have faced on top of the pandemic, but I am so grateful for exercise-especially OUTDOOR exercise, healthy foods and of course friends for helping me thrive despite it all. Be careful what you label pathological. The sister who "turned me in" has type 2 diabetes and endless health issues from her sedentary lifestyle. I am in great health as per all my bloodwork. The mother who flipped out continues to be a miserable person and perhaps if she had found some healthy coping mechanisms she would still have friends and a more fulfilling life.

Eating disorders are real. I would bet you won't find many socially aware tweens who do not know about diet culture and who would not wish to be prettier and fitter, that doesn't mean a choice to exercise more and eat well is bad. I don't think it's anyone's place to insist it's healthier to run around the yard than it is to do a workout video or play on a soccer team. Any exercise is good as long as it is not overdone.[/quote]

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