Reply to Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.

I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.

DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.

We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.

Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.

This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money. [/quote]

+1 I literally could have written this[/quote]

I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.

As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over. [/quote]

How do you deal with retirement savings?  [/quote]

DH saves max amount through his employer. He has an additional Vanguard account where he puts additional money at his discretion. I may ask him about it every now and then but I don't check on it much. I am self employed so save through my SEP and other Vanguard accounts. I try to save about 50% of my income at this point so I just transfer money as it becomes available. [/quote]

I mean, once you are married there is no "separate" retirement. Spouses would be entitled to each other's retirement assets in most cases of divorce. This is one reason I don't understand the separate pots of money approach. You can't really ignore what the other spouse is doing if they have bad money habits--if someone is not saving for retirement, it impacts you, as well.

We have most everything joint. Both paychecks go into a joint checking account. We each have a separate checking account where keep a small amount of money for ourselves--like $200/month each.[/quote]

Obviously. Clearly we understand that, and I've stated that in other posts. It's the same pot in the end. Furthermore, we're each named as beneficiaries on the accounts. But for purposes of our monthly budgets, we have separate accounts and save separately into those accounts. Do we each share in these pots in the end? Yes but for now we manage and control them separately.

The separate pot of money approach is so we don't have to constantly check in with one another. We're adults who neither need nor appreciate nagging or oversight on our expenses each month. Yes, it is OUR money in the end but for day-to-day spending it's nice to do our own thing. I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized. Plus why bother creating joint accounts when we got into this marriage with our own jobs and bank accounts to begin with? Such a hassle. [/quote]

DP here.  It's obviously working for you.  I wouldn't like this system, for two reasons:  (i) In my opinion, anything that ends in a unified result ("one pot in the end") should have a unified strategy to get there, both with respect to contributions and investment strategy, and you don't appear to have that; and (ii) your approach seems to prioritize monthly expenses first and savings second, and I prefer to reverse that.

I am guessing you make a very high income and/or have a substantial safety net, which makes you more comfortable being a little less rigid about retirement and savings issues.  [/quote]

[b]I don't know where the priority on monthly expenses over savings came across.[/b] The original post asked about how we divided monthly expenses hence the focus. We don't spend much so we save a great deal. In a previous post, I stated that over 50% of my income went into savings. That seems like a pretty big prioritization to me. I have not deviated from the budget that I made for myself about 8 years ago when I made 1/2 my salary. As such, all additional salary is saved. Just because we are not breathing down each other's necks doesn't mean we are less rigid. We both save aggressively so we do not need to combine or really worry too much about it.

And no, we do not make a very high income, though on DCUM that is all relative.[/quote]

It came from your previous posts, where you state "DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses" and "I'd hate to have joint account where each line item was scrutinized."  Also, you sad that your DH saves outside his retirement account "at his discretion" (in other words, if he doesn't need the money for monthly expenses), and you transfer money "when it's available" (in other words, if you don't need it for monthly expenses).  And you said you "try" to save 50%, not that you do save more than 50%, which suggested that sometimes, you don't save what you intend because of monthly expenses.  We prefer to save what we need to, and them use the rest for monthly expenses.  You modify your savings levels if you need to; we control our expenses.  That's definitionally you prioritizing monthly expenses over savings.  [/quote]

NP but I don't know why you are nit picking this PP.

We max out retirement accounts and have other savings as well. But the big ticket monthly expenses are fixed right now (mortgage, daycare) so yes they have "priority" as well. Seems pretty normal.[/quote]

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