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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op and just wanted to add: I meant to say that doing the chores ahead of time is so I can recover in a pleasant environment. I have no expectation that he’ll care for the house while I’m out of commission, but he won’t even care for that part of it that will affect me.

I don’t care if the house gets dirty, but I hate the idea that I’ll be caring for a pretty nasty incision/wound and trying to prevent infection in a bathroom that he won’t bother to keep up, I’ll run out of clean comfortable clothing, I’ll be hungry because he doesn’t feel like bringing food upstairs yet again, or out of water or sleeping in sweaty sheets unless I beg for a water bottle refill or clean bedding. Cleaners and meal kits are great, but will only help DH and my kid, not me.

There are things that I think a person who is in pain medication and has fresh stitches shouldn’t have to ask for in real time and can’t hire out. The stuff I can’t outsource is precisely what DH won’t do.[/quote]

Your expectations are unrealistic.  As someone who had 6 surgeries last year….it really doesn’t take that much planning.  Have your phone and text him when you want something.  Done.[/quote]

I agree with this, unless OP’s husband doesn’t do it when she asks. Obviously if somebody can’t get themselves food, you should bring them food. But it’s okay if they have to be told or reminded to being somebody food. It would be nice if they didn’t have to be reminded or asked, but if they are like that, it isn’t worth being upset at them for it.

I have had lots of surgeries too and my DH is great about taking care of me but I do ask him for what I need.

Also if you outsource things like cleaners and meals, it will be easier for your husband to care for you.

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