Reply to Any moms do it all on their own?

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Reply to "Any moms do it all on their own?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I am in a worst case scenario, so I'll share it with you just to wrap your mind around what might go wrong.

1. I have 75% custody, and I pay my ex child support.

2. My ex went to a horrible of a lawyer who is all about "father's rights" and for a time, my kid really really struggled with everything, especially extracurricular activities because he argued, "my time, my choice, period."  How does your kid keep their spot on the top travel soccer team when one parent refuses to allow him to attend the practices, competitions, and games on their parenting time (even if you offer to pay all the fees and pick up the kid from their house, take them to their game or practice, then return them)?  They don't.  They lose the spot. This happened to my kid.

3. I got 75% custody instead of 50% because I agreed to forgive a TON of money he owed me in shared costs for health insurance, out of pocket medical expenses and child care while I work.  I also got our agreement to protect my kid's extracurricular activities, plus really strong language regarding attorney's fees for contempt.  This is helpful.

4. Ex has become even more of a nut job over time and fills my kid's head with crazy political ideas.  Ex lacks integrity and my kid absorbs his behavior and ideas, and it is bad.  Every time my kid comes back we have play defense.

5.  I'm lucky.  I went on to marry a wonderful man and have more kids, but DH's tolerance for the crap that my ex puts me and my son through is waning.  It's a very difficult position for me to be in.  It's also very difficult for my son, who benefits from an amazing stepdad, but also suffers because he wants to be loyal to and loved by his biodad, so he's dealing with a loyalty bind and just other really heavy emotional challenges from the position we've put him in.  I do everything I can to smooth things over for him, but it's so hard for me and the rest of my family.

I learned long ago that it is always better in my situation to trade money for parenting time and rights.  I guess if you can legally get him to give up all parental rights in exchange for a promise not to go after him for child support, that might work out for you okay.   Go see a lawyer and do it right from the beginning.  [/quote]

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