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[quote=Anonymous]First, op, your child’s father doesn’t seem like a nice guy.  I also think you may be screwing with him a bit too, you don’t “decide” anything, this isn’t a pizza and you aren’t talking about mushrums v. peporoni.  Get a lawyer and play hardball acording to the legal guidelines. What he wants doesn’t matter.  His feelings don’t matter.

You don’t need to know how much he makes, I guarantee you, the I.R.S does if hes paying taxes. If he isn’t, they’ll jump on him which they should do anyway.

Know that if you file for child support, you may not get it especially if you two split custody.  Know that he can always ask for more or less time with the child, ask the court not you. The child isn’t yours to give or take away, not when you’re dealing with a legal father.

Know that he’ll probably say the kid isn’t his and the court will order a DNA test.  You can’t exactly say you don’t know who the fathe ris, or you didn’t get a last name, or he died in a war someplace.. unless he did in fact die in a war. Nobody wants to pay for your kid which is why the courts work so hard to sort all this out. Again, this isnt’ between you and him, this is now a legal matter.  Your lawyer should be able to make him understand that.

Know that the child will probably have a relationship with his girlfriends, his siblings, his parents and unless they are abusive, you don’t get a vote. The kid will also probably have traits and mannerisms just like his/her dad. Be ready for that, I have a friend who treated her daughter poorly because she reminded her too much of an ex, the way she’d tilt her head, certain expressions she’d use, certain interests. It was awful.

As for your friends and family, how does this great group mesh with your previously mentioned comments about keeping your legs closed?  I don’t understand.

Know that your amazing group wont pitch in the way you think.  Pregnancy is treated like an illness much of the time, so they are treating you like an ill person, one they need to care for.  That will rapidly change once the baby is born.  Most will continue to like you just fine, but their lives will go on.  The mom you relied on to “please pick up my kid” will have deinstalled the carseat because her kid who “isn’t much older then yours” doesn’t need it anymore and doesn’t know how to reinstall it because “Johnny always did that, I’m sorry, I can’t help you today”

The friend who said “I’ll always be there” will have plans on the day or night you really need her.

The sister who should be able to change a diaper won’t have a clue what to do, but will be absolutely wonderful when your kid is older.

The grandma who swore she’d love to look after your kid so you could do a training course realizes just what is involved with little kids and loves them but isn’t up to doing what she did 40 years ago.  Both my mom and my husband’s mom have commented on how complicated carseats are, neither of them has ever buckled our kids into a car seat.

I haven’t even gotten into the emotional aspects of parenting, yours, your kid’s and your friends.  The friend who never cared about guns decides they want to target shoot, and they’re more then happy to have your kid hang out with them but “we’re going to the range, I’ll make sure she’s safe, but we’re going”. You then have to decide how you feel abut guns, how you feel about your kid and this friend with guns, how you feel about guns and your kid and what you do if you decide “no, my kid doesn’t need to be around guns” or around guns with this friend. 
And yes, I picked the gun example to get your attention, it could easily be music or a movie or medicine or politics or something that a friend who is otherwise a nice person talks about with your kid.  Your village will rapidly go away if you say “don’t talk about marriage or “don’t talk about politics” especially as kids get older.  Unpaid labor simply won’t want to help you if you constrain them too much.

Good luck, op.  I’m in the camp that says maybe you should terminate, not because you are a bad person, but because you and the baby’s father don’t even seem to like each other. You’re not even trying to be a family.  You say you want a partner, and that you are sad about doing all the parenting things solo, so why are you doing this to yourself?  Finding a partner will be even harder once you have a kid, especially in a situation where you are deferential towards a guy who doesn’t care about you or his child.  
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