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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also seen it happen that a Mom can make a Dad miserable over the smallest, most trivial interaction, to the extent that he stops communicating at all with the Mom, for his own peace. Not saying that is the case here, but it can happen. [/quote]

DP. How interesting that the advice to the mom is "bend over backwards and do whatever is necessary to prop up your child's relationship with his/her father even when the father acts indifferent to the kid and rude to you," while the message re dads is "if you don't like how your ex talks to you, it's normal to cut off contact with your kid."[/quote]

Not saying this is the case for OP, but here's the situation I witnessed. DH did not cut off communication with his child's mother, but did stop taking phone calls and texts. Email only. Emails were pared down to the simplest statements. Even so, drama abounded, and I could see his ex pretending to have the same complaints as this OP, and getting support for it.

Actual example, DH sends email that says plainly, "The school pics you sent were bent in the mail. Can you please send me the ordering info so I can order new ones myself?" Response was several paragraphs long about how she went out of her way to send pics to him and his parents, and now she is accused of bending them, and how dare he, after everything she does, complain about this, etc.  [/quote]

Oh, and I wanted to add: so then DH is like, I can write back and say "Thanks for sending pics. Can I have the ordering info?" [b]OR I can just call the school and find out the name of the photo company and call them, circumventing the mom altogether, which is what he ended up doing, because that's less drama. [/b]And I have about a bazillion more examples like this where dealing with the mom just wasn't worth the trouble. But on her end, she's like "I send pics and I get no appreciation! He can't even communicate with me like an adult!" LOL.

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LOL he's an idiot. She makes it a hassle for him specifically BECAUSE she's tired of doing those things for him. I'd bet that if she said politely "you can call the school and get the ordering information", he'd throw a fit that she's not helping. The only way to get him to actually do anything is make it more difficult for him to ask her to do it.[/quote]

+1. She's not his secretary, and he can get the ordering info from the school. He's not "circumventing" her by taking care of his own menial tasks himself. But sure, give him a gold star for figuring out how to obtain school pics of his kid without the assistance of another adult.[/quote]

First, he'd need to know that the school pics were taken, and that the ordering packet was sent home to the mom. If you're intent on being a B, that might be why your ex-DH avoids communicating with you at all costs.

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The idea it’s not possible for a grown ass man to figure out how to add his email to the class notification list is absurd. [/quote]

He's on the email list. But the photo ordering packet goes home to the mom. She knows this, and instead of sharing the info, creates drama.

So yes, in a toxic situation, the ex must follow the calendar to find out when picture day is, call the school to get the photo order info. So that's what he does.

In a normal, healthy situation, mom would receive the photo order packet, simply take a pic of the info and forward.

The fact that you're hurling insults tells me all I need to know about what kind of situation you have.

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You are responding to multiple people who disagree with you. And the oh-so-onerous steps you outlined for this man to accomplish the apparently herculean task of ordering school photos (following the calendar AND calling the school?? Heaven forfend!) are things the mom managed to accomplish without the assistance of another person. Pro tip: when you are divorced, you have no right to expect your ex to take care of admin tasks for you. [/quote]

But he doesn't expect her to perform any task at all, except what she is supposed to do according to custody agreement, which is share info about the physical school stuff that goes home to her house, for example photo ordering packet information. But fine, he learned his lesson and must contact the school instead of counting on her to do a simple thing that she is actually required to do.

I was trying to explain why an ex might avoid communication. A very simple ask such as "can you share the photo order info" is met with 500 words of insults. This is why an ex might avoid communicating. Following the calendar and contacting the school is not nearly as onerous as having a normal email exchange to share information. She actually expended more effort (mailing unwanted photos, writing a whole diatribe) than if she had just done what a normal person would do (and again, what their agreement spells out she should do).

And this is just one example. Phone calls were stopped because she was abusive. Text messages were stopped because she was abusive. Emails, short and simple, still end up in weird drama.

Maybe this pushed some buttons as far as ex-wives being expected to do admin tasks for the ex? I don't know about that because she's not doing any admin tasks. He doesn't ask her for anything if he can get it any other way. So I expect she's off telling her friends, "Why can't he communicate with me like an adult?"

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