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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's years and years of learned roles and family dynamics. I don't think anyone thinks it's healthy, OP, but that's why it's happening, and it takes a conscious, proactive, long term commitment to break out of hard-wired behaviors.[/quote]

+1 I'm kind of jealous of OP, not that she doesn't have these issues, but that she grew up in a way that she cannot even understand them.[/quote]

+2. I actually have pretty good boundaries with my parents and they are generally respectful of my family’s time and space. [b]DH is just now learning how to say no to his mother but, prior to that, if I said even a word against what his mother wanted I was “selfish” and “hated her for no reason[/b]”. I actually do like her but his prioritizing her needs over mine did impact out relationship negatively. [/quote]

+3  I agree with the PPs.  It took my DH quite a while to learn that the dynamic he had with his parents wasn't healthy.  Like the PP, it was 'what's wrong with you that you don't want to do this with/for my parents?  They're so great and every body loves them but you."[/quote]

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