Reply to I'm a 53 year old woman and I just found out my Dad (died 6 year ago) was gay

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Reply to "I'm a 53 year old woman and I just found out my Dad (died 6 year ago) was gay"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, the PP above makes an excellent point.  How you wrap your head around this is showing your mom how much you appreciate her marriage-long support of your dad.  She’s still here, and she deserves someone letting her talk and showing care for what she has been through too.  I know you want everyone to know and appreciate him for who he truly was, but it was a secret he wanted to keep and she is continuing to respect his wishes.  Giving her the chance to talk about her life with him, and telling her how much you appreciate her support of him, will help being closure to both you and her.  [/quote]

OP here. Thank you. Yes, I spoke to her yesterday to start some of those conversations, and let her know it wasn't to invade her privacy but to give her space to finally talk about it. There were a lot of tears, and it also - for me - brought clarity to some really confusing situations over the years. There were three massive epic "[Smith] Family Meltdowns" that we sort of refer to that way over the years. Each of them I am finding out now was tied to my mom just sort of cracking under the pressure of being in a friend marriage with someone deeply closeted.

That being said, I "can't" really keep this from my sister. We are super tight. I WILL of course. But I told her really, my sister deserves to know, and I said to my mom, "hey, this is going pretty well for a 55-year-old secret coming out, don't you think? I think Larla will have the same arc of initial shock, then will want to have some questions answered/conversations just like I am." Not to mention it would drive a wedge between me and my sister something fierce if she finds out that mom told me too soon before her. She doesn't deserve being left out. My brother? F him. He's an a-hole, I have no contact, but that one I will leave solely to my mother. I'm not involved there in any way.

This ain't easy...

[/quote]

If you're close you have to tell your sister.[/quote]

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