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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am a feminist and a very good wife. I am also a good mom. A good DD, DIL, SIL, friend, employee, boss, neighbor, citizen etc etc.

Being a feminist did not mean bra-burning or being anti-men. I immigrated from a very conservative country. I am non-White and not a Christian.  I became a feminist because my father was a feminist. . My father supported me because my grandfather was an educated man who had deep respect for women in all their roles and he was a very decent man.  My father grew up  respecting women and seeing empowered women in his life like his mom, his sisters, sister in laws, wife, MIL, aunts, cousins etc.

My father did not curtail my educational aspirations. He wanted me to be strong and deal with life and be able to provide for my kids if something bad ever happened (death of husband or divorce).  Being educated meant that I had economic options.  It also meant that I was able to not be pressured into marrying young and it also meant that once I got married I had currency over my reproductive choices. No one controlled my womb and I got pregnant at my will after I was well settled for several years in my married life.

Being a feminist did not translate into my having premarital sex or having boyfriends.  Not as a moral judgement but mainly as my own choice. I did not want boyfriend(s) or romantic entanglement before I became established in my career. I did not want any distractions and I did not also find anyone who was worthy of me. Being a feminist meant that I did not have to have sex or have a boyfriend just because everyone else was.  I did not have to give in to peer pressure.  I was more focused in leaving my hometown to  go to the big city to live alone and attend university for my post-grad and research work.  I was confident enough to go to a male dominated industry on my own merit.

A very easy thing in my country to humiliate a woman who rejects you is to spread rumors about her. That happened to me too by all the jerks who could not understand why I was not flattered by their sexual or romantic interest.  Being a feminist meant that I had high standards and did not have to follow the gender norms.  Finally,  the man I did fall in love with was also a feminist and he had to prove himself to be worthy of me.  Being a feminist made me evaluate him on his moral character and decency and of course I could only marry a fellow feminist, right?

What is a feminist? It is just a humanist.  It is a person who treats everyone with respect, equality and consideration regardless of their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, age, disability, country of origin.  And in a marriage if each spouse treats each other with respect, equality, consideration, love, loyalty, then it is a good marriage.  If you and your spouse extend the same to your children then you have a good family.  It is not rocket science.

All the other stuff - sex, chores, HHI etc, every thing is workable. From the outside, my marriage looks like a conservative marriage. We probably play traditional roles because there is some natural affinity to it. However, I feel supremely empowered and fulfilled in my marriage. My DH feels supremely empowered and fulfilled in our marriage. Marry the person who shares the same values, principles and goals as you and it will be easy to be a good wife. [/quote]

You're so boring. Do you bore him as much as you just bored us?

Back to sex!

[/quote]

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