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[quote=Anonymous]I wouldn’t be too happy if my husband and I “talked a lot” and it boiled down to him telling me “I think I married the wrong person, you’re holding me back from my key dreams”. It would suck the life right out of me.  I wouldn’t feel the need to be nice to you.  I wouldn’t find joy in the kids not when I had a partner who might make it so that I only see them for half their lives. 
Think, op, “I’m not sure you are what I want” “hey, let’s go into the bedroom and f**ck” as my husband says, men have feelings too and sometimes women can really hurt them.  Sounds like you have done just that.

I’d be even more upset if that partner had us go to therapy to talk about this, not when we could have spent the time and money enjoying ourselves.  I’d be thinking “It’s a beautiful day, we have childcare (because therapists won’t let you hash out all this with kids present, we had $100 to spend, and instead of going out to a nice lunch or dinner, we sat in a room and I got to listen to how you felt you’d made a mistake in marrying me” Yeah, what a good time that was!

One of the sweetest things my husband said to me was that he’d date and marry me again knowing what he knows now, that there was a time in our marriage when we weren’t that nice to each other, knowing that he has to help me with things he probably wouldn’t if he married a different woman.

You also seem a bit flighty, you mention wanting to take career risks and then having months long adventures, newsflash for you, not showing up to work will put your career at risk.

Realize that taking care of kids during Covid is incredibly difficult.  It’d be even more difficult if you live someplace where even now, you can’t take them to a park or a pool because neither of those things exist where you live.  If I had to guess, you all decided that you could “live without” things that make parenting a lot more fun because “we’re only be here a little while” “the kids don’t know what they’re missing” “I never went to the pool when I was growing up”, it’s easy to get into that way of thinking.

If it were me and I wanted to save the marriage, I’d forget about your key dreams.  Still enjoy the things that enspired those dreams but realize that you have a husband and two kids that need a happy family.

Second, and this is huge, live where parenting is fun, can you take the kids to a park so they can run?  Is there a nature center you all like? Look for things like that.

As for a less demanding job, the problem with those jobs is they still expect you to be there and work.  They aren’t the cure-all people think.  Ditto for a low cost area, you still need money to live.

Move to an area because you like it, not because it’s cheap.

Finally, and maybe this should have been first, go to your husband, hug him and tell him you’re truly sorry. He didn’t deserve to have you tell him in therapy and out that you had doubts about whether or not he was right for you, not when you then expected him to be happy loving dad and sweet hot lover, and then “oh yeah, honey, let’s buy a house too so that when you ditch me, we’ll have to sell it and before we sell it, we’ll get to fight about selling it “because the kids need their home!”. [/quote]

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