Reply to What would you do if you found out your spouse of 25 years had a big secret

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[quote=Anonymous]BTDT, but our marriage was shorter, only 7+ years, when I found out. He quit drinking after we'd been married a few years after I told him it was me or alcohol. Then our son was born prematurely with a number of disabilities, and things spiraled for him. He drank for 3 years without me knowing, but I wasn't paying as much attention as I could have been- the medical situation was overwhelming for us all. Our nanny finally clued me in, bless her heart, after she saw the multiple empty bottles while I was on a work trip.

Here's what I did: (1) I told him to move out. He was unemployed and had no money, so he moved into a halfway house. (2) he went to rehab. (3) we were separated for 6 months. I went to al-anon, and everyone was shocked that I'd kicked him out so soon. I was like, what else am I supposed to do? He had lied to me for years about his drinking and I wasn't going to just take it lying down.

He's been back home for 1.5 years now, and things are going well. He knows if he has another drink ever, and I mean ever, that I'm gone. He also takes full responsibility for his actions.

OP, in my experience, the viability of your marriage depends solely on his desire to be clean. If he doesn't want that, or can't do it, then leave. My husband valued our marriage and kids over drinking, but from what I see, that's rare. Good luck.[/quote]

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