Reply to How to handle SIL's concerns/feelings (a topic involving race)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it may just be you/your family. As an Asian person who is somewhat soft-spoken and humble, I notice that many white women are overly talkative and domineering. Talk about themselves a lot, barely let you have a word in edgewise and never ask questions that show they are interested in you. As a result, conversations are unsatisfactory. Maybe she got fed up with that.[/quote]

OP here. Totally possible! I will say that I make a super big effort to ask her questions and also an effort to shut my mouth and be more quiet. And I get a big fat nothing - no answers, no questions back to me, no interest in the kids or baseball or the weather or whatever - just nothing. So, it is hard to keep trying, honestly, to be someone she prefers to be around. [/quote]

PP here. I wonder if the white women I interact with think they’re making a “super big” effort too. Of course, I’m much more gracious than your SIL so I’m happy to ask them questions about themselves 24/7 since that’s they’re favorite topic of conversation. They just don’t get that they can reciprocate too. I think it’s just a white woman thing… they’re taught to be the center of attention[/quote]

Gosh! DP here and I think you have hit the nail on the head.  I have a white woman friend and she is always trying to lift me up by putting me down.  :lol:   I am her "token diversity" Asian-American friend and who fulfills the role of her White Woman's burden.  She has an implicit entitlement of all good things coming her way in life because that's the way it has always been. She will Whitesplain what being American is all about.

When I ask her about herself, she is pretty happy and pours out all her concerns but her concerns are pretty much based on her own very narrow worldview. I am not doing all that much navel-grazing like her so I have nothing to share but platitude and sympathetic noises. She lives life with the assurance of being on top of the food chain and there is no question asked if I worry about the attacks on people who look like me.  [/quote]

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