Reply to Parent Guilty Tripping After Moving Into Assisted Living

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Come here for your dose of support and congratulations on your hard work, OP.

Like toddlers, old parents cannot be grateful for all you do for them. Unlike toddlers, there is no future time when the relationship will improve. And that's FINE. For people whose parents were loving and caring, it's just the repayment of a debt. But this doesn't mean you have to take the abuse!!! My FIL was bipolar and prone to anger for years before his diagnosis and treatment, and my husband had no deep love for him. But my husband and his siblings took care of his material needs at the end of his life, and separated those from the emotional needs that they could not fulfill.

You can do the same for your mother. My husband is a doctor, and he told me once that he disengaged by thinking of his father (and my own mother, who is a handful too!) as mentally ill patients with whom he has to be professionally courteous but emotionally distant.
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I think it is weird and kind of cold that your husband can do this. But at least you now what he will do to you if he perceives you as "hard to manage" in old age. [/quote]

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