Reply to Wanted: blunt truths from strangers about this marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The way you have framed it, the answer is obvious.

But it is also obvious the other party would frame those problems in a different way.

Maybe get counseling to present both sides of the story and see if compromise is possible.[/quote]

This, above.

OP wants simplistic, clear cut "dump the MF" responses. Easy justification for running toward divorce, neat, fast and preferably lucrative.

What OP has not said if there has ever been any attempt to work on the marriage. NOT merely "we took a weekend away from the kids and spouse just slept and played with spouse's phone the whole time" nonsense. Actual work, effort, involving a third party like a therapist. Because if one side of the marriage is at the point the OP is at, to have written that post, well, it's going to take a neutral third party to help both spouses assess if there is a salvageable marriage.

OP, you titled your post "wanted: blunt truths from strangers." Why haven't you already sought out blunt truths from therapists?

You knew posting here would help you hear what you want to hear so you'd feel supported and justified. You might be totally in the right, but we can't know. You need serious professional help.

Before you come back to say "but spouse would never agree to that" OR "we tried and it was a bust" etc., well, if you want to keep the marriage--and find out if the person you cared for enough to marry him/her is still there--you would find another therapist who was a better fit, or would tell your spouse that the marriage depends on both of you being all in on therapy, and/or you would go to therapy solo if your spouse truly wouldn't ever go. Have you asked? Actually asked point blank? Or just assumed spouse would never seek help? Or are you so far gone in deciding you want to divorce that you don't want to ask, in case spouse says yes to therapy? Are you currently in solo therapy? If so, have you shown your therapist the list you gave us here? [/quote]

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