Reply to Wanted: blunt truths from strangers about this marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve seen this dynamic in friends.  It’s the biggest danger women face in dialing down their earning power in order to raise kids.  Basically, the husband starts to view his wife as “owing” him or as the help.  The problem with that is then the wife never gets down time.  And the husband doesn’t understand that.  It’s unsustainable and actually seems to get worse when the kids are grown.  I’ve seen this.  I don’t have kids, but I’ve seen it in people close to me.  The wife thinks it will get better when the kids leave, but [b]it gets worse because then the husband thinks the wife has it easy without having to take care of kids, and he expects more[/b].  The power dynamic is gross.

My advice is to address it now.  If you work part time, get a full time job and divide child and house care evenly.  If husband says no, tell him it’s that or divorce.

Stop being a martyr.  It doesn’t matter if the internet agrees you are right.  What matters is getting your power back and becoming a partner, not a servant.  [/quote]

But isn't that the case? What I don't get is why a nonworking, or very part time employed, spouse would not automatically want to take the vast majority of the household duties. [/quote]

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