Reply to When dating someone divorced when do o you ask why they split

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just know you will get “his/her version”.

[b]If he/she cheated, they will say their spouse did.[/b]

If he/she was a pr@ck, it will be the other one that was.

A lot of people carry their same issues into the next marriage, particularly the ones that are blameless.[/quote]

So if you were cheated on, how are you supposed to answer this question?[/quote]

+1.  DH cheated on me with many women -- prostitutes, work colleagues, craiglist randos, etc.  How on earth do I talk about why I am divorced?  AFAIK, we had a good sex life (3-4 times a week), but he told me gigantic and detailed lies, which were only revealed by my accidentally stumbling across something.  I followed the thread and unraveled everything, protected myself and the kids, etc.  I've taken quite some time to settle myself and the kids (full custody to me).

Am I undateable because people think his cheating is a reflection on me? If I tell this story, do people really think that I was the one doing that cheating?  Do they really think I'm telling only "my side" of the story?  What on earth is the "other side" of a story where the DH is cheating with dozens of women over the space of a few years?[/quote]

I just posted and noticed you have a similar story to me. Please post if you find a way around telling the horror story without terrifying your date.[/quote]

I am only contemplating getting started post-pandemic, so no good answers yet.    FWIW, I saw your post above and think that you can buy yourself some time by just saying that your ex had a substance abuse problem and was unwilling to get help or stop, so obviously you had to end the relationship.  Even early on, I would expect someone to ask if you still have contact with him, if he's still using and how you manage continued contact under those circumstances, but hopefully not a lot more.

Obviously, I view disclosure of massive serial cheating as akin to disclosure of other traumatic sexual assault histories -- I am not obliged to disclose my trauma with anyone, ever.  If I feel safe, and I feel it's useful to me to disclose, then I will, [/quote]

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