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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^There’s nothing wrong with 90% of this. But here’s what: They are clearly experienced, flexible and generous hosts who do not need your “suggestion” on what to serve. Do you get it?

They’ve got it down. They frequently host. Clearly. Don’t feel the need to make it seem like you are involved with the actual work of planning and hosting when you are not.

“Thank you for having us again. Is there anything we can bring or do?” Then listen to the answer, and go with whatever they say with a thank you. And you should be bringing a host/hostess gift for the holiday meals/nicer events.[/quote]

Sorry your family visits are so formal, but ours are not. No one is issuing invitations like a queen. We usually start by talking about when to get together again and then we discuss ideas. They may even ASK us for ideas on what to do for dinner *gasp*, which is often when I’ll suggest something easy like takeout. Or perhaps you think I should tell them as hosts they need to come up with dinner themselves? Or if they ask do you think I should tell them what I want them to make? Or should I say “I’ll cook” and then takeover their kitchen? Is that generous because I’m cooking? Or rude because I’m invading their kitchen, even if they’re ok with it?  Or maybe I should leave it up to them to say “We don’t feel like cooking so we’re going to do takeout from xyz and we’d like you to pay”? Thankfully we are all very informal and there are not a bunch of rules we need to follow to make sure everyone uptight is getting the amount of appreciation they require for hosting or driving or whatever.

I will agree with you that with less close and/or more formal people, which you apparently are, if someone reaches out to us on their own, and invites us to their home and we accept, then yes, we simply say “We’d love to come! Can we bring anything?” And then we accept their answer and bring a bottle of wine. [/quote]

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