Reply to DIL is distant with us, warm and close to other relatives

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I’m not saying this is the scenario for you, but here’s some perspective.

I think my ILs would say this about me. The reason is because they genuinely do not care who I am as an individual person. They don’t ask me questions about me. They don’t remember even “big details” about me, my family, or my life.

They only want to know, is she One of Us. Will she fall in line. For even the smallest “oddity” about me, they make much of it, and focus on our differences. Down to the fact that no one in their family likes olives, and I love olives. They will bring olives into almost any conversation, as if to highlight that I Am Different From Them.

Pretty early on, I figured out that I only matter in comparison to them and their expectations. So I am, as you say, polite but distant. And my enthusiasm and affection are saved for people who care about me and are interested in me.

Could something similar be going on for you?[/quote]
You have social anxiety, right? The reason you see the bringing up of olives as pointing out you are "different," is what people with social anxiety think. That everyone sidelines them, judges every word and gesture... I mean I read your whole post like something my 22-year-old DS with severe social anxiety would say, perceive or do.
What exact questions do they ask? Perhaps they bring them us as they have nothing to talk to with the person that is so defensive.
[/quote]

Nah, my mom used to do the same thing with my DH (her son in law). It's a way of exerting control and/or diminishing him by reducing him to The Guy Who Doesn't Like Tomatoes.[/quote]

+1. Some people are just weird. I know a DIL who told her future MIL she doesn’t like fish. Without fail, MIL serves something with fish at every family meal. Every time it’s, “oh it’s ok, DIL won’t eat that, she doesn’t like fish”. [/quote]

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