Reply to My Ex is Constantly Punishing DS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"X-h should manage his emotions and his responses to what he perceives as DS is being rude better, too."

Quite likely, but  what do you mean, specifically? [/quote]

That he doesn't need to lose it, call him useless, a POS, ground him, etc. It seems like a disproportionate response to a minor infraction. [/quote]

It sounds like your ExH has some legitimate concerns and objections to your ten year old son’s level of independence and responsibility. Just like you think he is too harsh, he probably thinks his son’s mom is making the kid too soft, and that it’s up to him to make a man out of the boy. If your son has deficiencies in the form of back talk, sass, laziness, etc those are real areas that a lot of people view as essential things to train out of a kid. I would not provide safe harbor for those if I were you as indulging it when he is with you will only prolong the problem and cause him to be more seditious when he’s with his father. Those behaviors will not serve your kid in the long run, especially with other men. Your DH should not hit your kid. Tell your kid this while also telling your kid that those behaviors are still unacceptable. I too have lost my cool with my 10 yo DC and called him useless at times when he was being slow or lazy. I still love him madly. Also it is normal for a ten year old to be making their own food. Not gourmet dinners but the can pour cereal or make eggs and a sandwich. Mine does. Your ExH is communicating that over-indulgent caretaking is not healthy or a right, and is contingent on good behavior. That is not a bad lesson DH or your son to learn. I know you mean well OP, but by spoiling your son think about what kind of man he might become when he is someone else’s problem.[/quote]

The thing is that everything you say is correct in theory but we don't actually know if her son is too soft.  That's a matter of judgment. He may be too soft to some and just fine to others.  He may be backtalking or he may be just saying that he wants water and not apple juice.  We don't know that. Her ex may think her parenting is over-indulgent and he may be right or he may be wrong.  We simply don't know that. She may be too soft OR her ex may be too harsh. [/quote]

Its probably a combination of both but kid sounds like behavior needs much improvement and both parents need to work together to make it happen.  While most of us don't agree with corporal punishment it is not illegal in the US.[/quote]

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