Reply to My Ex is Constantly Punishing DS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your ex is a bully and he knows it, so does your son. He physically bullies a 10 year old for control and power. You divorced him for a reason. One day when your son is bigger than this bully, he may physically defend himself.

You should document everything. Check your son for bruises and photograph. Speak to your lawyer. You have equal say on how your son is raised. Get to it. Start the process with an attorney. No judge will stand for physical abuse, whether CPS says its ex's right or not. He's hurting your child to hurt you. That's power because he believes you can do nothing about it. [/quote]

This is 100% correct, OP.

The worst thing you can do with a bully like your husband is to back down. That’s why he does it.

The way you fight back against a bully is to win.  Quietly document.  Does your son text or email or tiktok?  If so, save the texts.  Call a (good) lawyer. Proceed quietly for a few months.  Then take legal action.[/quote]

And play the long game. Your son is 10. When he's 13 or 14 a judge is likely to take your son's wishes into account regarding how much and if he sees his father. I also think your son needs a therapist to help with his self-esteem and to develop techniques/coping mechanisms to deal with the legalized abuse that he's enduring. CPS is overworked and understaffed and is really there for the worst cases of abuse. There are many, many other avenues for you to pursue.

I find it really interesting and telling that a PP referenced Pat Conroy/The Great Santini - here's what Pat Conroy has to say about his childhood:

[quote]I hated my father long before I knew there was a word for hate. My mother would later claim that I refused to learn the word “Daddy” until after my first birthday. From  the start he was a menacing, hovering presence, and I never felt safe for one moment that my father loomed over me. I don’t think it occurred to him that loving his children might be part of his job description. He could have written a manual on the art of waging war against his wife and children. I can’t  remember a house I lived in as a child where he did not beat my mother or me or my brothers; nor do I believe that he would’ve noticed if both his daughters had run away from home. My mother raised me, the oldest child, to be the protector of her other kids, to rush them into secret hiding places we had scouted whenever we moved into a new house. We learned to hide our shame in the madness of our day-to-day lives so that the nuns and priests who ran our parishes everywhere we went considered us an exemplary Catholic family.[/quote]

[url]https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2013/11/19/pat-conroy-santini[/url]

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