Reply to Would You Date Someone Who Used To Be Overweight?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Would You Date Someone Who Used To Be Overweight? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Natural skinny is a genetic trait that is desirable for breading offspring.[/quote]

So is intelligence. Sorry you missed out on that trait. Breading one's offspring sounds messy and fairly pointless.[/quote]

I mean, lots of people will factor in intelligence in deciding who to date or marry. Very few people would consider that shallow or mean— it makes sense to want to be with someone who is on your level intellectually. Not just for “breeding” reasons. And I don’t know why suddenly that’s not allowed when it comes to health or weight. We’re not talking about denying someone housing or a job because of their history with weight. We’re saying some people might not want to share a life with you. It is what it is. It’s a very personal choice and everyone has their personal prejudices.

[b]OP herself said she only dates guys who are fit and healthy because that’s something she values. Is she being unfair? I don’t think so[/b].[/quote]

I sadly think OP might have internalized lots of fatphobia and that is her response to it, but that's another story for another day.

I think people are mixing attraction, especially initial attraction with what is a good foundation for a relationship. Being attracted to certain people or having preferences is generally a result of many things for us, but it's definitely not a predictor of the success of a relationship. If it came down to beauty and intelligence, half of Hollywood would still be married and no academics will have divorced. DCUM is full of "fit, rich, educated" men and women, and just read the relationship forum! You'll swear off love forever.

Read this article, I found it very illuminating.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

"Except, of course, it doesn’t work out that way for most people. [b]The majority of marriages fail[/b], either ending in divorce and separation or devolving into bitterness and dysfunction. Of all the people who get married, only three in 10 marriages remain healthy and happy, as the psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book The Science of Happily Ever After, which was published earlier this year."

"From the data they gathered, Gottman separated the couples into two major groups: [b]the masters and the disasters[/b]. The masters were still happily together after six years. The disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages. [b]When the researchers analyzed the data they gathered on the couples, they saw clear differences between the masters and disasters. The disasters looked calm during the interviews, but their physiology, measured by the electrodes, told a different story. [/b]Their heart rates were quick, their sweat glands were active, and their blood flow was fast. Following thousands of couples longitudinally, Gottman found that the more physiologically active the couples were in the lab, the quicker their relationships deteriorated over time."

"By observing these types of interactions, Gottman can predict with up to [b]94 percent [/b]certainty whether couples—straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not—will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. [b]Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship[/b]. [b]Do they bring kindness and generosity or contempt, criticism, and hostility?"
[/b]
Read this, it's actually good. And notice how he defined what you bring into the relationship as your spirit/soul, not looks, not weight, not breeding capacity.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics