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[quote=Anonymous]Damn, these threads always suck me in. I have a rant. Buckle in, folks.

I was thin until my med twenties, through PCOS and depression gained some weight, then gained pregnancy weight, then gained weight after birth! I signed up for a gym with a trainer and stuck to an eating plan. While I was going to the gym and eating healthy, my ex didn't think it was enough and criticized every bite of food I took or every food choice I made. For a solid month, I was starving myself and exercising hard core with a trainer, and I lost zero weight. ZERO. Eventually we find out I had hypothyroidism, too.  It didn't matter to my ex, these were all "excuses" and I "lost my looks," so he decided he wanted a divorce. He told me no one would love me or want me as I was. It both enraged and broke me. So, I'm responding from some place of trauma to this, sure. Never mind that I was regularly hit on and asked out, his words stung more, and I started believing them. Luckily, I lost all the weight after the divorce, without even trying, which was weird, because when I tried, I couldn't. People said take it as a sign your marriage was unhealthy and move on. I was happy to finally feel like myself again, which was most likely the lack of a jerk partner and not the weight-loss itself, so I enjoyed this for a few years. BUT....

I still battled depression and it became bad enough that I needed to get on meds, and the meds made me gain weight. Not only that, but my body morphed and my face was weird and bloated and changed shape. I'd be the same weight but look like a completely different person, I cannot even explain it. I don't care if people say meds don't do that, I'm a firm believer that my meds did that to me. Not only that, but my depression didn't really get any better, I was just emotionally neutral, and any motivation I had to exercise or even walk was gone. Well, several years later, thought my eating itself hasn't changed, I went from regular exercise and walks to nothing, so I'm overweight/obese again. And I can see how differently people treat me now. So, threads like this shouldn't anger me, but they do.

After reading posts like the ones above, I feel down. I start wondering what is wrong with me, and will I ever fix it, and if I do fix it, will I find a good person to be with that wouldn't care about my weight one way or another. The lack of empathy, the judgement, isn't not new to me as a recipient, but I just don't get it. It's not my first thought when I meet anyone. Even when I was super skinny, I never met a fat person and thought to myself, why would I mix my genes with yours? Some I found attractive, some I didn't. Some I had sympathy for, because you could tell they didn't feel good in their skin. Some I envied because they were unabashedly themselves.

I know some fat people who are GORGEOUS, they're attractive, they own it, they look good. I'm not one of them, so I know I need to lose the weight. But, when I see comments like the ones in this thread, the rebellious part of me wants to stick a middle finger in everyone's face and rebel against this ridiculous societal norm that ties beauty and worth to weight. I want to scream: Eff YOUR beauty standards. Eff your fake health standards, I know you do coke, Barbra. That is unhealthy, too. So is sleeping with Jim without protection, Karen, especially when you know he's engaged. Like if you're all gonna treat me like $hit or deem as as mentally damaged and broken because I carried my trauma and my health differently than you have, I don't really know if I want to be part of this "society." People who don't see that weight is such a nuanced and complex issue drive me crazy. If it was a simple CICO or any other fix, wouldn't all the fat people who fkn try every single day 10x harder than you have lost it already? And if it is a sign of mental health, we now shame and hate people for being human? But you shooting up 15 shots last night then taking Adderall that wasn't even prescribed for you is totes cool, Jessie.

I hope OP finds someone good for her, empathetic, kind, who gets that life is $hit sometimes and we all do the best we can with the tools we have at the time. And I kinda want to say that I hope all the jerk posters meet people like them in life, but I have a hunch they already do, which is why they are how they are. [/quote]

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