Reply to My Ex is Constantly Punishing DS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Umm Dad sounds abusive and it’s not within his rights to hit him. Maybe you are too permissive but Dad sounds like a nut case whose time with kid should be limited.[/quote]

The problem is that some of Dad's behavior is in the grey area, and some is really good parenting (in fact, something OP could learn from)

Telling a 10yo that they are responsible for their own breakfast and lunch is good.  It teaches responsibility.

[b]Telling a 10yo they are bad at something and should quit is bad.  Dad needs to be more supportive.
[/b]
But since OP listed all those things together, it just feels like she doesn't [i]like[/i] Dad's style of parenting, which is probably part of the reason they are divorced.  But its nothing that really warrants any type of intervention[/quote]

Op here again. Telling a 10 year old to prepare his own food is teaching responsibility, doing that in retaliation because DS pissed you off, is not. It's punitive and sends the message to DS that if he isn't people pleasing or perfect, essential things can be withheld from him. That's what I don't agree with. It's not the idea that OMG DS has to make a sandwich when he's hungry and dad is on a call. It's the message behind I don't like how you behaved, therefore I'm not making you food.

But you have a point, I clearly don't like X's overall parenting approach, and that's something I need to deal with. What I was looking for is how to do I support my son so he doesn't internalize these messages and take them as proof that he's a "useless or a failure" as he recently keeps referring to himself. Things I would never call him. [/quote]

NP and I'm not sure I would classify that as withholding essential things from him assuming the food is accessible and he otherwise knows how to prepare it (presumably at age 10 he can make a sandwich?).  I don't think it's a bad lesson that if you act like a jerk people aren't going to go out of their way to help you out.  From your OP it sounded like your son was being rude vs. just not pleasing or perfect.[/quote]

It's a really jerky punishment.  And immature.  "If you act like that, you can make your own dinner!"  Probably not a big deal in the context of overall decent parenting, but it sounds like this guy is manipulative and aggressive overall.  Forcing the kid to make all his own meals is a way to belittle a child and withhold affection.  [/quote]

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