Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Long story short, we are mid-40s. Wife is quite distant, intimacy has struggled for years. She has finally said it's just that she wants to be alone, she's spent two decades being tethered to the kids, putting her career on hold while mine soared, etc. She's ready to live for her. I asked her is she is leaving me, she said she is considering moving out.

I know the obvious answer is "affair" and of course it could be but it doesn't feel like it.

What's the future? Do I do the 180? Fight for her? It's hard to fight for someone who doesn't really want to be with you.

Thanks, could use some real insight.[/quote]

There isn’t much you can do, sadly.  This is her issue.   Maybe it was caused by something you did, and maybe it isn’t.  No way for us to know, and indeed there may be no way for you to know.  The fact that she is dissatisfied NOW is really quite irrelevant to whether or not the decisions made earlier made sense to her or you then.  I’m sure that sounds totally unfair to you, and indeed from my perspective it is.  But you can’t appeal to that to her:  she almost certainly won’t look at it that way.

So what can you do?  Be compassionate to her needs, treat her kindly, counseling might help, as might space, and be explicit about wanting things to work out.  But you also need to be mentally preparing for how to deal with the end of your marriage, at least as a contingency.  Reconnect with your friends.  Reinvigorate your own outside interests.  Consider what the financial consequences might be and think about how to mitigate them.  Prepare physically to get back on the dating market if needed—you’ll have a huge amount of options.  You will be fine.  I know it is hard to watch someone you love do something that is not likely to lead to long term happiness because of a potentially-transient midlife crisis, but you can’t stop her.  If things go that way, either she is making the right decision for herself or she isn’t, and the consequences will have to be what they are.  Paradoxically, I think making sure you have your life right and are thinking clearly will reduce the risk this comes to a split.   The go plan is always and everywhere the same as the stay plan if you are thinking rationally.   [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics