Reply to Advice needed regarding maintaining friendship with close friend with severely disabled child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thanks PPs. I am definitely not angry with her - though others in our group are.  I keep telling myself that I have no right to expect anything from her but I have the capacity to continue to give (emotionally) so will do so.  But I would like not to be operating in a vaccum (l would love for her to say...look I love you but it's too hard to be in touch with you right now...or something similar).  I don't know if I should try to broach the subject with her in some kind of way or just let it be.  Probably just let it be.  Another close friend wrote her an email expressing her feelings in the most positive and supportive way possible and she took it as criticism that she wasn't being a good enough friend.   I last saw her last Spring when her father passed away unexpectedly.  She was very close to him and he was young and fit so this was another huge blow.  I took a week off of work to help her and her mom plan the funeral, cooked for her, tried to help her take care of her son.  She was mildly appreciative and her husband was just a total jerk.  She is pregnant again, after a miscarriage last year, and is expecting a healthy baby girl in Jan.  I don't know if adding a newborn to the mix will be good for them or make their lives even more difficult. I've offered to come without my kids while she is on maternity leave to cook, clean, watch one or both kids so she can nap, etc, etc.  Was met with a decidely lukewarm response.  We'll see.  I love her so much and she is really like a sister to me and I just want to help.[/quote]

Haven't read all responses to forgive me if I repeat something. First, it's so good that you care and don't resent her. I have a child with SN that are milder than your friend's child's SN, much milder, but I still have been completely overwhelmed. There was a time when we thought he would never talk. I got so sick of driving to all the therapy appointments for him as every child around me hit milestones so effortlessly. What I HATED was when friends caused drama. You didn't do this, but the girl emailing did, I don't care how nice she is. Your friend is exhausted and has not 1 ounce to give. I think the best thing you can do is tell you group to either offer support or ef off. Don't confront her about anything. I can understand why she was hurt. She doesn't need this. She is running on empty. Don't expect her to be able to return calls or apologize or anything. Just offer support and cheer her on. OP you are doing the right thing, but please work on the rest of your group. The LAST thing anyone should do is cause this woman more stress. No "polite" confrontations. Encourage your friends to be kind without expecting anything in return and to cut her some slack if she says the wrong thing in a monent of exasperation and exhaustion.[/quote]

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